01
Ground Zer0
Crawling from the Wreckage
I am standing at square zero, where I’ve left the past behind. Its a new beginning. I’m almost done with the twenty-something chapter of my life, as I prepare myself for the 30s ahead. The past ten years had been sort of a ‘coming of age’. I don’t feel withered or aged, just a little more experienced. The 20s was the period where I moved beyond the comfort zone of my being, to follow my curiousities and check out the untrodden paths. I’ve been subjected to situations of stress, and saw myself react in ways that I’d never expected. I’ve also deliberately placed myself into dire circumstances just to see how much stress I could take before keeling over. I learnt quite abit about myself. I’ve hit the reset button.
Three-Zero
In Numerological terms:
3
Three solves the discord created in the polarity of two, resulting in a new integration and wholeness. This can be seen in the divisions of a human: mind, body, and spirit, whose unification makes us whole , our visible world is three dimensional. Three can also relate to expansiveness and learning through life experiences. It is considered to be lucky, and is often associated with money and good fortune. Three can depict several people joining together to achieve a common goal, whether through a social or professional affiliation. Three also represents communication of all kinds, expression, drama, acting, and humor. Although three possesses attributes of wisdom, understanding and knowledge, negatively it can exhibit pessimism, foolhardiness and unnecessary risk taking. Three is seen as a very magical number. In some cases, the number three can take on some negative aspects and is seen as demonic or unnatural, as there are no creatures in our world who walk upon three legs.0
Zero is a powerful number which brings great transformational change, sometimes occurring in a profound manner. It has much intensity, so caution is needed wherever it appears to ensure that extremes are not encountered.
My current stats:
Age: Turning 30 in four months time
Status: Recently single, unattached
Resource Value: I’ve effectively worked for the past five years, but I’ve got little cash in bank. No car. Staying with parents
My Experience Points – things I’ve ascertained in the past 10 years:
There are other things that remained constant – I don’t have many friends, only a few close ones. Maybe my INFP personality type can explain my preference for solitude. Watching Densha Otoko (電車男), the drama series, I could see myself in the lead character . I was very much like Tsuyoshi Yamada, the Trainman. But unlike Tsuyoshi, I no longer have his kind of innocence. It took a long time for geeks to be socially accepted (more importantly, find dates). At the day, all we that we want from the mainstream is acceptance and acknowledgement. Being a significant economic player helps.
Rather than making tactical resolutions on what I want to attain this year, I looked back at the decade that just passed. My 20s. Where I came from, what I’ve done, and where I’ve ended up. That might give me a clue of where I want to go from here. Its not simply making a checklist of things of what I want to do in 2006. Its a re-assessment of my values and assumptions about the world. But some fundamental changes happened in the last month of 2005:
2006 – The Year of the Dog
This year, I’m a free man. I have the freedom to do what I like, to explore, to meet people, to indulge in the things that I like to do. Yet, its also an uncertain year. I have no idea what to look forward to, except for the ‘pilgrimage’ to Tokyo to satiate my otaku habits the this summer. At work, there are uncertainties ahead as there’s going to be a major restructuring execrise. People, furniture and fortunes would shift as the wind blows. This is also the Year of the Dog. According to Chinese astrologers, its going to be a difficult year for those born in the year of the Dragon. I do not know what they mean by ‘difficult’ – it might mean a year of stress and frustration – then again it might not be all that bad.
On the day of the new year, the biggest concern on my mind is my job. I am fed with my current employer. I couldn’t leave because I am still bonded for another two good years. I don’t think Im able to develop my full potential under the current prospects. I believe I have talents, but they’re not appreciated in the organisation that I’m working for. There’s alot of brilliant people working for the organisation, but they don’t come my department’s way. And for each brilliant person, you need five dumb people as support staff. So even if there’s a thousand brilliant people staffing my organisation, there’s another 5,000 more stupid people that I have to live with. I know I am not shit hot (as one of my previous bosses would say about the top performers), just hot. I want to work for people who’re worth their mettle. I want to work with the best people in the profession, not people who’ve been shuffled into the department because they’ve the organisation has nowhere else to deploy them. I don’t want to work for an organisation that has no clue on how to develop my career just because I’m atypical. Though I am paid well, I know its going to be a slow economic death if I stay on – when I become irrelevant to the ‘real economy’ out there. Besides, I’m dying of boredom. Each day I drag my feet to the office. I no longer rely on my place of employment to build my identity. In fact, its a cognitive dissonace having to reconcile who I am with the organisation that I work for. Not that we’ve got conflicting value systems, just that I am a round peg in a square hole – in terms of my personality, outlook and cultural affiliations.
“Please take these hands
throw them in the river,
wash away the things they never held
please take these hands,
throw me in the river,
dont let me drown before the workday ends. ”
– For The Workforce, Drowning; Thursday
Fool’s Quest
Its the beginning of another phase.
Main Quest – Tokyo Invasion Part 3
Side Quests:
I haven’t quite figured out what I want for this year. Much less for the next ten years. How far do I want to go in my career? Would I want to settle down and start a family? How should I be managing my finances? I guess this would be the sort of questions most people who’re moving on into their 30s had to grapple with for the next few years. If we’re living in the traditional agrarian society, where we wake, work and sleep according to the rhythm of the Sun and Moon, our life cycle take on a much ordered pattern that complied with the natural order (or God’s laws). We’d know when to till the soil and sow the seeds. We’d know when we’ve reach the maturity so that we could start a family and assuming the responsibilities of an adult. When we followed the natural breathing and sighing of the Earth, our primordial instincts would serve as our guides.
But in the urban post-modern society, we march to the beat of the atomic clock. I am from the generation that belongs to the Children of the Atom. Where our sleep pattern and biological clocks had been altered by the schedule of the market, the production line, the roster – Our lifestyle has been short circuited by chemical substances, bio-enhancements and an info-communication system that had folded time-space into an instance. Not materially, but cognitively – but the material world is catching up with silver future delivered via the Internet and the Netizens. There’s always an existential anxiety in wanting to know what tomorrow heralds.
X – The Wheel of Fortune
Lets ride the carousel
Choose your steed, but we’re spinning in the same circle,
faster and faster, but not catching up
with the other
bobbing up and down
when the carousel stop
where would we drop?
